The Pak-A-Sak Cup

Written by Brooke-Lauren Montgomery

Bitterness. It’s the extreme attitude of I-just-don't-give-a-flying-flip what that person is up to these days. I-don't-want-to-even-see-that-person attitude. Bitterness is so ugly. Take it from me. I have spent five years of my life being bitter, until I woke up and realized that I just had to let it go.

It was tearing me up inside. You know what the crappy thing is? It doesn't tear up the person you have beef with; it tears up you. It tears you up until the point of where the resentment and pain can no longer hide behind your face. It begins to build so big that you are unable to suppress it, and soon you are going through every day angry. As my dear teacher, Kay Arthur, says, "It gets to a point where you can't stand the way they chew". Little things begin to eat at you. You can so much as drop a pen on the floor and you just want to launch the biggest thing next to you across the room.

Bitterness is evil. It's a soul eating cancer that enjoys draining every portion of your happiness from your spirit. It's amazing how something so small can turn into something so big. Something so small that can snowball into something so powerful that you can't control it anymore. In my case, I was done wrong from someone who knew what he was doing. This person chose to do what he did, knowing that it would be wrong, and ended up not only hurting me, but two other girls who got slided as well. I remember the excited anticipation I had,how much I busted my butt to get where I was at, before the bad news was broken to me. When you strive for something and you give it your all, and it is taken away by a person, it hurts; especially if you do reach your goal, and then it was stripped away by someone. That’s what happened to me.

So, for five long years I could not stand to think of this person. If I happened to see this person, I would completely turn and go the other way. I made no eye contact, I spoke no words. The only thing I “spoke” was by my actions of having nothing to do with this person. The sucky thing was, I would have to occasionally see this person around the school, and I dreaded it. Anytime this person crossed my mind, I was driven to near lividness. I could not pray for this person because of how nasty I felt towards them. I did not wish harm on them, but I could not pray good for them, either.

As five years rolled around, I was getting sick of the bitterness to which I was holding. I was talking to a very good friend of mine one afternoon. I was sharing my feelings of resentment I had with the certain person, how each time I would run into them, the knife in my back would twist an inch deeper.

My friend just smiled gently and said, “You can let this go.”

I said, “How? It’s not easy.”

To which she said, “Oh, it is.”

I looked at her uncomprehendingly, beginning to feel a surge of irritation towards her, due to feeling like she actually thought bitterness was so easy to get rid of as to flicking a light switch.

She continued, and gesturing at my Pak-A-Sak cup next to me on a side table, said, “It’s just as easy as going into Pak-A-Sak- well, I assume you went inside instead of going through the drive-thru- getting a cup, filling it up, putting the lid on, getting back into your car, putting it in the cup holder, putting your car in reverse and driving off.”

Again, I sat there looking at her like she had lost her cotton-picking mind.

She smiled and nodded.

I said, “It is not that easy.”

But I wanted to let the bitterness go, so I went on listening to her. I really did turn what she said, over in my mind, but I could not get it to set easily. I prayed that God would set me free of the bitterness that day, and I knew that He would set me free, but I didn’t think it was going to be that specific day.

That evening, my cousin was graduating high school. It was Friday, May 27, 2011. I dreaded going because I knew the person who hurt me would be there. I was in a bad mood upon arriving. As my family and I sat down, I still continued to grumble within myself, as well as to my mother. As we were sitting there, I heard some people shuffle into the row behind us. I heard a voice behind me that I disgustingly recognized. Low and freaking behold, it was the person who had done me wrong that decided to make himself cozy in the row behind us, with his family. Out of all the people in the whole room, it had to be them! I’m sure I probably shook my head at the irony of the situation. I kept facing forward, my anger beginning to kindle itself into a blaze.

Alright, I thought to myself, as soon as Hayden walks the stage, I can just get heck out of dodge, never to look back.

And I did just that. I made my way out to my cousin’s senior table to look at all his pictures and achievements before taking off entirely. As soon as I was ready to leave, I turned to walk away, only to nearly mow over the person I had bitterness against. I made eye contact, not willingly, of course. I was literally about to turn and walk the other way when he said,

“Hey girl! How are you?”

You know how the joker says, “Why so serious?” Well, I was thinking, “Why so chipper?”

I answered him and then he hugged me. He HUGGED me! The man that plunged a knife into my back five years prior had just hugged me. At first I was thinking, Why are you hugging me? And then, literally, as if someone flicked a light switch, my bitterness was gone. Completely gone.

Suddenly the thing that was done to me by him seemed so small and unimportant. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I was free to walk straight without strain. What just happened, I thought to myself in bewildered amusement. What? Just? Happened?

I’ll tell you what happened. The answer to my prayer, that’s what happened. My friend was right. It was just as easy as going into Pak-A-Sak, getting a cup, filling it up, putting the lid on, getting back into the car, putting it in the cup holder, putting the car in reverse and driving off. It was that easy because I was willing to let the bitterness go, and I asked for it to be taken away, and God provided a way. After the bitterness left, I was able to think of this person without disdain or a scowl on my face. I was able to pray for them. That was such an amazing feeling; to have been bitter all those years, and now set free from the chronic bitterness I thought would plague my heart for more years to come. 

Since that day, I kept that Pak-A-Sak cup my friend used as an illustration of how easy it is to let go of bitterness. I kept it for nearly two years until I thoroughly cleaned my room one day a few weeks ago. I looked at the cup as I held it in my hands, and I smiled. I wanted to keep it, but I had nowhere good to put it. I began to feel a little silly for keeping it for so long, but then again, I don’t regret keeping it because it was my reminder of what God did for me that day. I knew that I couldn’t keep that cup forever. Eventually it would probably get smashed. Plus, what would I do with it when I move out of my house after I get married? I decided to let that memoir go as well, because I knew that even though I would no longer have a tangible thing that reminded me of that day, I would still have it in my memory. I still think of that cup from time to time and smile. Why, I never even told my friend I kept that cup for nearly two years! I think the next time I talk to her, I will tell her.